Lords of Salem (2012) Movie Review: A Rob Zombie Classic

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As a long-time Rob Zombie fan, I finally decided to watch Lords of Salem. I am definitely glad I gave it a watch because, oh boy, it is a doozie.

Warning: Spoilers are included in this review. You have been warned.

It is far from a regular Rob Zombie film, though, as there is next to no violence, little blood, and a surprising lack of psychopaths.

What it doesn’t lack is the weird shit that his films contain and plenty of sexual content ranging from full-frontal nudity to creepy religious figures jerking off.

If you are not one for nudity, don’t touch this film with a six-foot pole. Otherwise, go watch it right now.

You can get it for free on Tubi, and it is worth a watch. Word of caution, don’t watch this if you are high. That is one trip you do not want to take.

Now then, let’s get into the meat of this review.

The Plot

For a Rob Zombie film, this movie had a surprisingly great plot. It was difficult to follow at some points, and it needs a second watching, but it is there.

Normally he just throws a bunch of nudity, sex, and murder in an amalgamation of “barely counts as a plot.”

In this one, though, he actually gave us a solid plot, and I am glad about it. Don’t get me wrong, I love plotless gore, but movies with plots have always been the best.

The Lords of Salem revolves around the descendent of one Reverand Johnathon Hawthorne named Heidi LaRoc, who works as a DJ.

One day she receives a strange record from a group named the Lords. Listening to it causes her to have a vision in which she sees several women ritually birthing a child.

When the record ends, her vision stops, and she goes to bed. The next day, Heidi and her cohosts interview a man who had written about the Salem Witch Trials.

The rest of the film features a lot of strange religious imagery, nude women, and dark visions that culminate in the final brutal ending.

As the credits roll, we learn that all the female members of the Salem Historical Group died in a mass suicide, and Heidi is missing.

Read this for a complete synopsis of Lords of Salem.

Wrapping Up

Overall, I would give this film a solid 7/10. It comes with some solid characters and an actual existent plot and is just plain weird.

If you are looking for Rob Zombie weird without all the gore, give Lords of Salem a watch. You will not regret it.

Well, that is everything from me for today. If you enjoyed this article, check out my review of The Mist (2007) for some great body and cosmic horror. Until next time, happy haunting!